


Not Another Harry Potter Story

by NotAHero101



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26836852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotAHero101/pseuds/NotAHero101
Summary: (SI)rius Black takes the wizarding world by storm.Si Jumpchain continued off (Ninja's Grandpa, not posted to this site but found in SB), Jokers Wild, You're a Shinigami and Forget The Rails
Kudos: 1





	Not Another Harry Potter Story

**Author's Note:**

> All underlined writing is Sirius Black thinking out loud.

...

It wasn't often the Sorting Hat questioned it's own decisions. In fact, it couldn't even remember the last time it had, if it ever did. But the moment it echoed out what it _knew,_ instinctively, was the wrong choice it felt _regret_ quickly pile up. The student himself shuddering as he hastily made to take him off of his own head.

The hat's echo of Gryffindor washed over the surprised audience, the professors behind it likely just as bemused.

For whatever reason, when he'd first been placed over the boy's head, his consciousness literally _shouting_ him at to put him anywhere but the house of snakes, had all disappeared the moment he'd spoken. The boy's very demeanour itself turned cold, _unnatural-_

"Well, _father_ is going to be livid. Everyone knows all the real bigots are supposed to go to _Hufflepuff."_ With his piece said, Sirius Black calmly made his way towards Gryffindor.

The head of Gryffindor kept her expression passive in retort, _completely_ unamused with her new charge, instead electing to metaphorically burn a hole in him.

...

"Huh." James Potter, I had to admit, was a pretty laidback guy. "So you weren't kidding about being a Black."

Now you'd think, given how few Pureblood families were in number, that I would've met the guy before me at least once in the past- Well, Sirius' past. But evidently the Black's were rather keen on keeping their children's childhood under lock and key.

Literally.

The Harry Potter cupboard, as bad as it was, was relatively tame to what the Black's got up to. Childhood Isolation been one of the few 'punishments' they elected to go for when children didn't live up to standards.

There was _a lot_ of baggage to unwrap there, and this was before he _ran away_ from home. Before he found himself mixed up in betrayal and sentenced to Azkaban.

Sirius quite frankly had a mind-numbing childhood, and that was coming from someone whose travelled between multiple sanity-deprived world. Practically played jump rope with the mindset itself.

His rebellion into Gryffindor- And not to mention easy friendship with James Potter was entirely due to the way Orion and Walbgura Black decided to start raising him. To the point the two should've seen it coming.

Orion Black, it seems, Even if he were to 'openly' support one was the sort of man to play both sides.

This means that right now, my sorting into Gryffindor included, I could still turn this around. As a Hogwarts first year and ancient _family_ heir, I had one thing no other wizard or witch had.

The time to prepare, to plan and what have you. Only, my promises had actual weight to them.

And while Slytherin would've been the better ground to start up on- My name alone been worth it's weight in gold there, Gryffindor was a close second.

My goal itself?

"So, what'd you mean about bigot's been in Hufflepuff?" James suddenly questioned, a twinkle in his own eyes. "Or was that a joke?"

To _prevent_ any dark lord support camps. Phoenixes included.

There was only one person that deserved all of those dumb-as-rocks minions and that was yours truly.

I mean really, how else was I supposed to start a new ministry?

I couldn't just magic it up now could I- I should _really_ look into that.

"Depends on your meaning of the word bigot."

James raised a single eyebrow at the answer, opening his mouth to likely question what my meaning of it was- Only to stop the moment I raised a single finger, pointing it towards one of the professors on the dais before us. My other hand idly grabbing a handful of pudding.

He gave me a deadpan look in response.

"You're pointing at Albus Dumbledore."

"Did my finger stutter?"

...

I waited until the feast was over before I made any further comments. James Potter having decided to get into a conversation with the other Gryffindors surrounding us when I made no attempt to reply to any more questions.

My eyes trailed over the Slytherin table, my first and likely easiest base of support. Given the only requirement, I needed there was a good, by their screwed up standards, family name.

Hufflepuff would, as funny as it were, be the toughest. I had a good feeling their only requirement for letting me gain a foothold would be genuine friendship and sanity.

And I am pretty sure one of those has been emptied out of me.

Which left Ravenclaw and Gryffindor as the middle options. But really, I was getting ahead of myself.

Idly giving the staff table one final glance, my mind connecting most of the wizards and witches there with faces, I should've had no place remembering. The last time I'd so much as read Harry Potter, was quite frankly in the centuries-ago department.

So really, it was a miracle I remembered as many as I did. The only face I couldn't recall being one of the blondes on the far side. The only blonde's coming to mind been Draco Malfoy's future father, and his narcissistic wife. Which given they also happened to be over at the Slytherin's table firmly put them out of the running.

When Dumbledore gave the okay to make way for our dorms, Minerva Mconoggal's orders already filtering through the Gryffindor table. I immediately grabbed hold of James Potter's shoulder and started pushing him in the other direction.

"Not to be a buzzkill, but we may be going in the wrong-" I clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Unless you're offering me your invisibility cloak, I recommend shushing for the time being."

His eyes unsurprisingly widened at the words. Though to my surprise, he did keep quiet.

Just as we were about to leave the foothold of the Gryffindor's table, my eyes found themselves attaching onto and lingering on a certain Hufflepuff on the table over. With a very bad (read cursed) odor.

Ignoring the fact the likely Marauder was somehow already derailing canon for me, I made to grab me an honest to god werewolf.

All I am saying is, if you're going to gift wrap me a powerful creature, I wasn't going to say no.

He, of course, whined and complained, but given he probably has never had a friend, he went along with me and Potter rather willingly.

Idly glancing towards the staff table again, I was surprised to see Dumbledore staring straight at me.

Naturally, I put up my fingers in a big ol' W to him. Rather amused to see his expression break the slightest. My thanks of gratitude probably didn't sit too well with him.

With another grin, I turned back to Remus Lupin and offered to be the friend of a lifetime to him.

Admittedly failing to mention the fact said lifetime wasn't guaranteed to be very long.

"I think Dumbledore's staring at you, _again,_ " James whispered inconspicuously.

I shrugged. "Pretty sure he's just eyeing your cloak."

"But I am not even wearing it!"

"Of course not, he wouldn't be able to look at you if you were now would he?"

After a moment of thought on the matter, Remus asked what cloak we were referring to.

"A family heirloom." "One of the Deathly Hallows," James and I answered respectively.

Dumbledore did a double-take on that one.

With the grand hall finally clearing, I and my unfortunate group of suicidal wizards finally made our way to the entrance itself. My last target finally coming into sight, the Slytherin having made a genuine attempt to avoid us the moment he realized I was more or less scouting for my future dark wizards-

"What!?" James and Remus questioned respectively, one admittedly more amused than the werewolf.

Did I say that out loud? Whoops.

Still, my hand promptly reached out and grabbed Severus Snape by the scruff of his cloak. A few of the Slytherins surrounding him reacting without a wasted beat, though to his (and my) surprise, they felt he was a welcome sacrifice if it meant leaving the rest of them alone. Given the knowing looks, they sent him.

Either that or I was really bad at reading people.

"What is the meaning-" Severus started to complain.

"James." I remarked easily. The Gryffindor in question idly shook his head in slight amusement before he clamped a hand over the Slytherin's mouth.

"Thank you."

And with that said, Snape's indignation ignored, I promptly started walking my new posse towards their new designations in life and home for the foreseeable future.

Every dark lord, after all, needs a base.

And whats a better base than the Room of Requirement Plot-devices?

Who knows, might even be able to ask the current dark lord living there for advice!

"WHAT!?"  
  
I really need to stop doing that.

Hopefully, Dumbledore didn't hear _that_ one. But knowing my luck, he was probably going to be waiting for us there anyway.

...

**_..._ **

...

"Where are we going?" Severus asked me for the umpteenth time. I think. I wasn't really paying attention. My own focus was set on the changing staircases.

"Stop worrying!" James Potter remarked, clapping the Slytherin on the back, almost causing him to fall off the staircase at that.

Whatever their complaints, I was surprised the three were still following me.

"Well, I hardly had a choice given you dragged-"

"James."

"On it." My new best friend echoed out, clasping one hand over the Slytherin's mouth. This time to no avail, given the Slytherin's sudden change of position.

"You will stop that-"

"Remus."

The aforementioned, quiet, werewolf did not in fact oblige me.

He clearly needed more training.

Still, without a missed beat, I simply kept on going. James and Remus at my heel, with Severus just behind us. A longing look to his face.

Honestly. If it was really that much of a problem, why he hadn't outright left was a question all-

"I don't know the way back! This staircase has led us around in circles!"

"Really should've thought of that before hitching a ride with us." I remarked without preamble, jumping onto a lower set of stairs. The others, barring James who gave my actions a thoughtful look, settled for walking down like human beings instead.

The plebs.

"I didn't have a choice in the matter..."

"We all have choices, Severus, some of us just miss the checkpoints." I grinned up, watching as James followed my lead. Reaching me before the other two.

"...What does that mean?" Remus, to my surprise, questioned instead. The student for once taking his own initiative!

Alas, I didn't answer him either.

...

The stairs, after near an hour of-

"Ten minutes," James corrected me.

-Hogwarts tomfoolery, had finally led us to where we needed to be.

"This looks like the same corridor we came from." Severus, the evident pessimist, remarked with a drawl. His need of questioning having finally died down.

Maybe that was why the stairs had finally let us out. Snape shutting the hell up.

"...I am starting to think you're not meant to be in Gryffindor." Remus calmly pointed out, eyeing me with a certain sense of... Something. I couldn't quite tell if it was a human expression or a werewolfy one.

"Thank Merlin you're not in my house," Snape whispered more to himself, then the rest of us.

"Hm. Had no idea muggle-raised bores swore using Merlin too."

James, thankfully, held Severus back from overreacting towards me. Though turning my gaze towards him for but a moment, I realized the student hadn't in fact moved at all. Literally.

Severus had just stopped in place.

"...How do you know that?"

"I can read minds." I deadpanned and continued walking on. Completely missing the sheer dread that filled the other student's face.

James Potter on the other hand chose to be the voice of reason.

" _Slytherins_ don't generally come in muggle clothing," James remarked, admittedly somewhat bemused himself.

"Pretty sure I saw a few snakes wearing worse than him."

Considering the sudden silence from my partner in crime, I had a feeling James was starting to lose his patience with me.

"...I am not your partner in crime."

"Not yet."

"...What does that make us then?" Remus asked his second question in the same hour. I was honestly proud.

For his and Snape's sake though, I chose not to answer that one either.

"That is infinitely worse..." Snape remarked, proving he was also capable of reading minds.

The hypocrite.

"Psst," James whispered inconspicuously. Though not low enough to actually work. The hand covering his face not helping either. "You're saying all of that out loud."

"I had a feeling I was." I shrugged, turning the corner. My gaze idly landed on another empty hallway. This time, however, there was a dead-end on the other side. The entire pathway blank, and dull. Without a single portrait nor door to compensate.

Which, of course, meant, I was at the right place!

"Aren't we going to get into trouble for been out late? The headmaster said we were supposed to go to our dorms..." Remus, on a damn roll, asked his third question in the same hour!

"I think that was more of a suggestion."

"It really wasn't."

"...I am inclined to agree with Snape on this one." James remarked, taking me by surprise.

And I thought Pettigrew was meant to be the traitor.

"Peter? The one that went before me? Isn't he in our house too?" James Potter followed through, as if he hadn't just betrayed me for Severus of all people.

"...I am inclined to feel offended."

"I am inclined not to care."

Still, without further ado, I walked up to the blank wall at the end of the hallway and started pacing before it. My needs and wants broadcasted for the whole castle to empathically hear.

To absolutely no effect.

"So. Now what?" Severus remarked with the first hint of his canon smugness. Still, I took it in stride, electing to continue pacing before the clearly bugged wall.

Maybe canon was wrong and I needed to pace a few more times?

"...What's canon?" Remus whispered his question towards James Potter, the only other wizard with any likely knowledge on the matter.

"Long gone." I, however, took the initiative for once and answered the werewolf's question.

...

I wasn't sure how long we'd waited-

"Fifteen minutes."

Thank you, James.

"I think the word you're looking for is wasted," Severus remarked with a gruff. The student currently sat down on the floor against the wall, one hand holding his head up. Clear tiredness radiating out of his form.

"Speaking of wasted," I remarked, idly glancing towards said wizard. I'd stopped pacing before the wall some time ago. Electing the room of requirement as either non-existent or against me in particular.

I'd even had both Remus and James do the same! Though I had a feeling the werewolf only did it because of peer pressure.

James probably, almost definitely, believed me when I told him the castle had a secret room with everything in it.

From Portable Black Holes to Nuclear Warheads.

_Absolutely cannot wait to get my hands on all that goodness_.

Still, both of their attempts had ended the same way, and Severus didn't look like he intended to follow my instructions which meant, either way, staying here wasn't likely to change much-

It was admittedly subtle. The sudden change in the atmosphere. The way the very air, for a moment, seemed to still at the sudden arrival. The other three, judging by their faces, didn't seem to notice.

"... Hey... Sirius? Are you- I mean do you really plan on becoming a dark lord?" Remus's fifth question, admittedly took me by surprise.

Not for the content- Well, the fact he genuinely avoided the whole 'are you serious' thing was kind of disappointing but that was neither here nor there.

Rather it was the timing of it.

"Do you know what a Dark Lord _is_ Remus?"

"...A bad person?" It was telling that he looked towards James Potter for some kind of reassurance.

"Snape?" I continued on, not missing a beat.

"What?" The student replied, not bothering to even look at me anymore.

"Do you know what a Dark Lord is?"

"Based on you, I'd say it was whoever raised you."

Admittedly, not a bad answer.

"James?"

"A wizard that specializes in the Dark Arts."

It was telling that Severus _froze_ at the sudden answer. And James, to my surprise, seemed to notice.

"Hmm. A question for you all then."

"Wasn't _that_ meant to be one?"

Ignoring Severus's sudden snap, I continued on with my point before it left me. Though the reason I'd even thought of it in the first place seemed to have slipped my mind.

"Who, would you say, between the following two is worse?" I turned to face all three of them.

"The one who uses Dark Magic to coerce and convince people to follow him, on his own personal selfish quest."

Judging by the sudden look that filtered James's face, I had a feeling he was coming to the wrong conclusion.

"Or the one that teaches children to risk their futures fighting said Dark Lord, in the hopes one of them succeeds?" Knowing most of them would die.

I, of course, left the second part _unsaid_.

The three before me all spared themselves a single glance, before, to my surprise, coming together and choosing the first option. Even if Severus looked like he'd swallowed his tongue doing so. The very atmosphere itself seemed to turn cold for but a moment, even.

"...And," For the first time since I'd met him, James Potter showed hints of wariness as he looked towards me. "Which one do you think is worse?"

Smiling grimly towards, him, I answered.

"The one that refuses to take credit."

Severus, to my surprise, was the first one to get it. A glint practically filling his eyes. The sobering fact that an Eleven-year-old, without my experience could so quickly understand such a thing left a sour taste in my mouth.

"...Why?" Remus questioned, admittedly one step-behind. And, I honestly would've answered him, if not for the interruption.

"I must say, that's a rather interesting view,"

The voice, of course given the dead end, came from behind us. The tone and nature of it familiar enough to freeze my unwilling companions.

"Is it because they get away with it?" Albus Dumbledore remarked, a _very_ curious expression on his wizened face.

"Nah, getting away with it is fine. Doing it _again_ is the problem." My question seemed to raise a single, white-coloured, eyebrow.

I don't think Albus Dumbledore likes me very much.

"You seem to assume much, don't you Mr Black?"

"Well, these days you just never know, really. What with all the fanon out there."

"...Be that as it may, I do believe it is bedtime for-"

"If I don't make it to breakfast, you know who to blame." I deadpanned towards James, earning a facepalm from him in return.

Severus chose that moment to finally find a sense of humor and snort.

...

...

...

The Gryffindor common room, despite the extremely late hour-

"It's not even past ten," One of the future red-shirts idly stated from his position two seats over. With gold-flaked, brownish hair, a quidditch magazine in hand and a bemused, curious, look to his third-year face. "...How do you know I am a third-year?"

-was filled with activity. Evidently Dumbledore's wording of 'bedtime' amounted to simply showing up in the common room itself.

After that? Well. So long as we showed up to lessons, I dare say we had the run of the mill.

"The curfew for been out and about is different to the actual time to sleep," One of the prefect'd red-shirts idly walked by and gave her own opinion.

Not that anyone had asked.

She threw a pointed glare at me for that one before moving on.

Idly taking in the place, from the red and gold banners draped across the walls of the tower, to the comfort-enhanced armchairs, one James Potter was currently enjoying, to the roaring fireplace all essentially amounted to major favoritism on Dumbledore's part.

I seriously doubted the Slytherins had it this comfortable.

No wonder they went rogue.

"Sirius," James called out, his eyes closed as he enjoyed the sensations of a magical arm-chair, earning a non-commital grunt from me. "Did you really mean what you said to Snape?" His words seemed to prick the attention of one of the red-heads steeped into one of the corners of the room. The girl in question almost immediately got up from her place, intent on making her way towards us.

"You're going to have to be more specific," I remarked, my own focus set on the charms book in my hand.

Where I'd gotten said book, I didn't have the slightest clue.

"You took it from the other first-year... After threatening him..." The same red-shirt squeaked. "I have a name you know?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." I sniffed.

"You actually did do that." James, to my dismay, didn't in fact defend my actions. "And I meant what you said to him just before we went our separate ways. About being willing to... what was the word you used? Compensate? On his behalf?" Essentially, give him the backing he so, _badly_ , needs in the house of snakes.

"You mean after we were forcibly separated?"

"Right..." Just as the word came out of James' mouth, another red-shirt promptly joined us.

"Well, you know what the rumors about that house say," I remarked turning towards the newcomer, James' face scrunching up as he took in the girl herself. "A Half-blood needs all the help he could get."

James, at my words, blinked. "He never mentioned he was a _Half-blood,"_ His words came at the same time as Lily Evans, the girl choosing to instead ask how I'd known. As Snape would've never willingly divulged such information.

In response, idly glancing at the girl in question, I snorted.

"With eyes like those, there was no chance he was a _Muggleborn_."

For whatever reason, my choice of words seemed to lighten the mood surrounding us.

At least if one avoided Lily's gaze.

The girl currently trying to burn a hole in my head with her gaze alone.

"What's that supposed to mean?" The red-head chose to question, her arms crossed. "What's wrong with Sev's eyes?"

James's own gaze seemed to swap between me and the girl, a bemused expression filling his face in the process.

I calmly explained the connection between the two. "They're neighbors."

James nodded at that.

"Did Sev' tell you that?" Lily continued asking, not, in fact, denying my claim, in the hopes I may actually answer-

I idly dodged the thrown piece of parchment, rolled into a ball.

"Stop ignoring me!"

Rolling my eyes, I obliged the girl.

"Let me put it this way, as an example, the worst thing a muggleborn's probably going to go through after discovering they have magical powers is a-" And I, of course, locked gazes with the girl as I spoke. "-a jealous sibling _."_

Waiting for a single beat, I continued when no one chose to interrupt me. "As a Half-blood, the worst thing you _might_ go through is an asshole _father."_ Lord knows a mother wouldn't turn on you for such a fact.

Probably give your father hell and back for the lies, but she won't Tom 'Snr Dickhead' Riddle you for what you can't control.

It was, admittedly, interesting how quickly my words seemed to snap some of the older years' attention. Their eyes evidently seeing me in a different light-

"You're bonkers." Lily Evans decidedly settled on, crossing her arms in the process. "Anyone ever tell you that?"

Probably.

But still.

"Doesn't mean I am wrong." I shrugged, earning silence in return. The girl admittedly still taken back at my words. "Speaking of which, does anyone have a wand I can borrow for tomorrow?"

"...Where's your wand?" James questioned, warily reaching into one of his pockets in the process.

"That's not important." Because frankly, I wasn't entirely sure myself. It could've been anywhere, and everywhere really. Given the state I'd left it in.

"Did you forget it at home?" Lily Evans questioned, hints of amusement filling her tone as she spoke.

Sure. If forgetting it entailed trying to use advanced magic and promptly turning it into cosmic space-dust. Then yes, I forgot it at home.

"...What did you do?" Lily followed on, James and anyone else listening likely either too tired to entertain me or too smart to turn the attention towards them.

Or maybe it was because I was actually answering _her_ questions? Should probably change that, now that I think about it.

"Better question, _what..._ are we going to do about your bitch of a sister?"

She threw a cushion at me for that one.

...

**_..._ **

...

Charms, to my disappointment, was not the first lesson of the first day. I idly glanced down towards the timetable handed to me by my head of house. The witch not wasting a beat as she moved down towards the rest of the first years.

Unlike what I'd assumed it'd be like in canon, the handing out of timetables didn't actually occur in the grand hall. But rather in the comfort of our own democratic republic of reckless idiots. Ie, the Gryffindor tower.

Judging by the twitching on the woman currently trying to give James Potter his schedule, she was quite unfairly listening on me.

Freaking cat powers.

McGonagall, blatantly, turned to look at me for that one, contemplated something and promptly sighed before going about her business.

Wonder if Dumbledore's already given them any orders regarding me?

Still, not really focusing on that fact I turned back down towards the un-canon schedule and let out my own sigh. My back laid comfortably on the massive red-seat. James Potter, as soon as the woman had disappeared through the door, after warning everyone (Other years included) about losing _another_ house cup, finally chose to slump down beside me.

"Guess you won't need a wand today after all!" The happy-go-lucky future Dark Lord's Bane\- He raised an eyebrow at that one, remarked with a shrug.

And he would be right, given our first lesson was in fact potions. With, you guessed it, Slytherin.

"You say that, but I am inclined to think you need a wand for Transfiguration." The second lesson of the day. Though the MC of Gryffindor house had stated we would only be going through theory for the first few lessons.

Really though, in regards to potions, who thought it'd be a good idea to put the two houses so close together? The scheduling itself seemed rather curious. In the sense that every day seemingly had at the very _least_ three lessons. One with each of the other houses. Some classes had more lessons than others, History of Magic for one, only had _one_ lesson per week. Whether it was due to Dumble's wanting to 'promote' class unity or not was anyone's guess. Though judging by the house 'team-ups' I had a feeling he set it up to help the students more.

Gryffindor, in general, was rather good when it came to the practical parts of magic. Charms, Transfiguration and Defence. All of which we shared with the _same_ house. Hufflepuff. The, presumably, weakest in terms of practical magic. When it came to Potions, Slytherins generally topped those particular tests and lessons, with Gryffindor coming in last. Which, I supposed was why the man had decided to put those two particular houses together for the class. Though why we were paired up with the snakes for Astronomy, I didn't have a clue. Ravenclaws, on the other hand, shared History of Magic, Herbology and the mandatory _flying lessons._

It was a good system in truth

\- Raising my head from the said timetable, I blinked at the sight of every pair of eye on me. James Potter had an unreadable expression on his face, his gaze filtering between me and his own timetable.

...

I really had to get my thoughts under control. Evidently spouting all of that off had set a very different tone to me.

Particularly because McGonagall had heard _all of it._

Not that I was particularly worried, it wasn't like I'd spouted off any unmentionables-

"Don't ask," James remarked. To who? I didn't have a clue-

A piece of paper hit my head.

"...Hello, Evans."

"I've been right behind you for the past half an hour."

"Why?"

"I need to speak to Sev."

Turning towards James Potter, our walk to breakfast interrupted, I questioned the girl on the number of fleeting Brain cells in her head.

"I don't quite believe either of us posses a voice named Sev in our heads."

"...Do you have _any_ named voices in your head?" James questioned carefully.

Lily Evans, on the other hand, rolled her eyes at me.

"He's obviously going to be-" Only to suddenly stop, a rather big grin etching onto her face as she turned her gaze to another direction. Blinking, the two of us turned the same way, our eyes landing on one utterly _done_ Slytherin.

I blinked at the sight of the _brand new_ robes Severus Snape was currently sporting. Brand new bag too for that-

Judging by the books in hand, I'd say brand new  _ everything. _

Severus Snape, was quite literally, marching towards us. The boy intent on either ignoring or not noticing his childhood friend. Yet the moment he reached us, he seemed to find himself at a loss for words.

"Nice threads, where'd you get 'em?" James questioned with a snort.

Severus levelled a look towards James, and then towards me.

"Your family is _ridiculous_. _Absolutely none_ of them would leave me alone."

"By them you mean your housemates, right?" James remarked carefully.

"Has to be, my family would've cursed him in their greetings."

"Agreed."

Honestly, the play by play between Potter and I was rather refreshing.

Still, whatever confusion or bemusement that had filled said student promptly disappeared when he realised Lily Evans was, in fact, standing with us and trying to get his attention.

And by that, I, of course, mean, through physical abuse-

James Potter decided then and there it be best I left the two's immediate vicinity.

"Did you _see_ the look she was giving you?" The boy whispered towards me as he forcibly pushed me towards the great-hall.

"I've seen worse."

"I... don't doubt that..."

...

Breakfast was admittedly a dull affair. Even with both James and _Remus_ sitting nearby for conversations. There wasn't much to be had. Dumbledore, quite literally, just wouldn't shut the hell up-

James Potter slapped the back of my head for that one.

Severus, on the other hand, had decided it be best he stick with his house- Or keep his distance from Lily\- I idly dodged the thrown piece of paper.

Honestly, where was she getting all of that parchment?

Not that I could, of course, blame him. He'd yet to receive his timetable. And judging by Slughorn's current expression, the man had had a belter of a night.

Which was odd, given I didn't take him for a drinker.  I mean really, you'd think after his debacle with the seven's unholy spirit

He would've learnt by now.

A single _beat_ of dead silence ( _Freakin' finally_ ), from Dumbledore the only wizard seemingly capable of hearing me, met my response.

 _Naturally_ , I gave him two thumbs up and a smile.

I don't think he was very amused.

...

**_..._ **

...

Hogwarts Prefects were admittedly-

James lightly elbow jabbed my side, promptly causing me to turn towards him, a single raised eyebrow.

"You started talking again," He shrugged, keeping pace with me. We were all, the Gryffindor first years at that, currently following said house Prefect towards our first Potions lesson.

"So?"

"I am not sure _you_ realized you were, _"_

"I wasn't aware,"

"You're welcome."

I jabbed him back for that one and kept on my way. Though he was right, in a sense.

It was probably a bad idea to bad mouth-

_'Jab'_

"This is going to get old quickly."

"I think Evans might want to join in," James remarked back, grin still on his face.

I, of course, turned my gaze the slightest at that, _almost_ bemused to see the rest of the Gryffindor first years keeping their distance from us. The Prefect herself just a few steps ahead.

As the silence stretched on, I watched as said female Prefect turned her gaze towards us, a curious glint in her eyes.

"What were you going to say about us exactly?"

James seemed to take my last few hints personally as he promptly clamped a hand over my mouth.

"Nothing _sane_ , that I can assure you,"

She rolled her eyes, snorted, and turned her gaze back ahead, James thankfully taking the queue to move said hand away.

"You know, I am pretty sure lesser men have _died_ for trying to do that."

James simply raised his own eyebrow in response.

"Really? _Who?_ "

"Josh Groban."

He, of course, didn't know who that was. So I gave him a few more recognizable examples.

 _"Two_ kings, an emperor and a few warlords."

He doubted that one.

"One civilization."

"Evans was right, _you are bonkers."_

 _"_ I am sure you got that much on day one."

"That was _yesterday,_

"And yet you're still here."

"My _bad_."

At the sound of short-lived giggling, both of us turned towards the Prefect just ahead of us. At which point I decided to stop on my tracks and pump one fist into my other open palm.

"Apologies, I seem to have made an error!" I called out.

James, thankfully, followed my lead (The rest simply kept on marching on) as he stopped and turned to stare.

"It was _two_ civilizations!"

I could practically see him, visibly, hold in the urge to facepalm as he turned back ahead.

Still, back to the Prefect thing-

' _Jab'_

- _it seemed, despite what Dumbledore said regarding the house point system, the Prefects themselves in truth were the ones that followed up on any that were lost. You might ask if they followed up on any gained? The answer was a resounding no._

See the main issue with a wizarding school was that there wasn't in fact any true method of punishment for unruly students. Which was where the house points came in. Oh sure, they could send you out to the forbidden forest every now and then, but really who was that going to scare into listening? And while the professors themselves decided who won or lost any, Prefects were the ones that made that known. Or made it their business? One or the other. Or both. In essence, because they couldn't outright punish a student, they decidedly left it up to one's own housemates. They quite literally left it up to _peer pressure._ The house cup _certainly_ didn't matter once one left the castle.

" _Man_ , you just go on, don't you?"

Honestly, I wasn't sure _who said that._

Could've been the Prefect, judging by the pointed stare, or could've been Potter, judging by the proximity and loudness.

...

The moment we reached said classroom, _underground I might add,_ my eyes settled onto the herd of snakelings all gathered outside a closed door. Most of them turned to stare/glare at our approaching group. Of course, while everyone else decided to simply eye up one another, I sped up my pace towards them. James a step behind.

Well, I say them, I reall-

' _Jab_ '

_-y mean Severus Snape._

Said student stood on the outskirts of the rest of the Slytherins, an irritated look to his face. One that seemingly faded the moment it landed on us. Reaching them, my gaze not remotely budging from what I presumed to be the Malfoy of the generation, I promptly wound my arm around Snapes shoulders, eliciting a tired sigh from the boy. Though he didn't make any move to protest.

Mostly because James chose to do the same from the other side.

" _Black."_ A black-haired, pointed nose and below-average height (presumed) pureblood decided to call out at the sight of me.

"With two sugars," I remarked without missing a beat and promptly walked and helped push Snape past him-

Only to find myself abruptly stopped by a single hand from said student on my shoulder. James and Severus not missing a beat as they untangled themselves and moved a step back.

Judging by the number of eyes on my Forced-to-be friendly Slytherin, I had a feeling Severus hadn't gotten off to the best start with his own year. Which, considering the attention he'd likely gotten from the older ones made quite a bit of sense.

"Is that suppose to be funny?" The _black-haired_ one remarked, his eyes narr- "And that's _Avery_ to you, you blood tr- _"_ He chose to snarl at me.

"Haven't earned your first name yet?" I interrupted him, practically seeing things starting to get, _really,_ out of hand. I, honestly, felt somewhat bad that _that_ seemed to be all it took to get under his skin. Though I suppose I can't really expect too much out of first years.

Even if I've met younger, _far more intelligent,_ weapons of mass destruction.

Still just before he decided to respond, and because I am _such_ a gentleman, I returned his greeting.

"All the same, _I am_ Sirius Black. My father has _fuck-you_ money-" Oh I probably shouldn't swear in front of kids. Especially given the sudden jab from James. "-and I've got a _fuck-you_ personality-"

"Mr Black!" A third voice suddenly boomed over the rest of us, one followed by a conglomerate of the rest of my house. "I'll not have that kind of language in my class!" Horace Slughorn completely, somehow, sober, remarked affronted as he moved towards us.

"First lesson ain't even started and he's already ruffled-" ' _Jab'_ "-and to think it took the half-full man six years to do it."

"Now, I don't want to remove any points this early into the year but another word like that and I will be forced to!" Slughorn remarked as he reached us, briefly stopping just before me. " _Though I_ find myself curious as to what you meant by the _Half-full_ man, I do hope you've all had your fill in the great-hall-"

Rolling my eyes, I interrupted the man. To his slight irritation.

"Oh not at all, it's about a Hogwarts student. You know, the one that came to _you_ full,"

He raised a bemused eyebrow at the words.

Dumb\- _'Jab'_ - _ledore clearly hasn't spoken to him yet._

"And left in _pieces_."

It took the man two seconds to get my reference and freeze up. And two more after that for him to decide to completely ignore me, going as far as to not even look in my general direction.

It probably didn't help that I offered to give him a _number_.

...

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